clarity

everyone always talks about how in the middle of a trial, they sometimes experience a moment of pure clarity and then they just know that everything will be okay. i never really doubted that they did, but i never expected it to happen to me. then it did and it was amazing.

Taylor Richard and I broke up three weeks ago. It was messy, my heart was broken and I had a lot I left unsaid because when I can feel my heart breaking inside of me, I can't really put sentences together. So I wrote. I wrote every last thing I wanted said in hopes that one day he would read it. This Saturday I get a text from him asking to be blocked from my blog. I said no. We tried being friends for the day. It was a lot easier for me than I imagined. He let me know he was sad and lonely and for some odd reason, that made me feel so much better. Knowing that he was having just as hard of a time.. But that's so wrong because if he had been fine, my heart would have been rebroken. It just means I would be putting my self value into how long it takes for him to move on..
I know I'm in the process of moving on right now, and it's incredible. But I would hate for him to think that because I am moving on, it diminishes what we had. No one says it better than 500 days of summer,

We're simply growing into the people we are going to be the rest of our lives and it doesn't make what we shared any less special, incredible or lovable. He will always be my first love and whenever my kids ask about my first love, my mind will jump back to high school Spanish class and the cocky sophomore who stole my heart. 

Taylor and I had a really good talk. It was simple, and straight forward and I had said everything I needed to. I left with nothing but good vibes. When we said "see ya later" for the last time, my heart was just as peace. It was the exact peace I felt when I got my blessing a few weeks earlier. I knew in my gut that for whatever reason Taylor and I aren't ready for each other right now. I didn't feel sad or upset or even angry. I handled it like a grown woman and this is what needs to happen. My moment of pure clarity was incredible. I don't want to get too spiritual or anything, but I feel like it was the spirit telling me this was right, this is what needs to happen for both of us. Heavenly Father is leading me into a direction completely different than I would have ever imagined and I know it's only been three weeks, but I already love it and I can feel myself growing into a completely new person. 

H I L A R Y C L I N T O N

Machiavelli was the one who started the idea of REALISM in politics. This is how things are, and this is how we get things done. The means are sometimes worth the ends and morals have no room in politics. If you want to get your agenda done, you have to be willing to do what's required. 

Up until him the main idea floating around was IDEALISM. Plato and Aristotle introduced it as "this is how things and people OUGHT to be." It was much more optimistic. 

In modern day politics, being considered Machiavellian is seen as manipulative and powerful. It's something that no one really knows what to do with and when they're faced with it people tend to panic. It's not a new idea but few have been able to carry it out.

Which brings me to the lovely power couple. 

The Clintons. 

He was president and she was MUCH more than just a first lady who traveled to China and tried to fight childhood obesity (sorry Michelle). Hillary wanted a political career and refused to stand in the shadows of Bill. She was a U.S. senator who served for two years then she ran for the democratic nomination who later became the secretary of state. Up until that point she was a Machiavellian though and through. The moment she started to think in an idealistic mindset was when then-senator from Illinois took the nomination from her and he is now our 44th president. 

Being idealistic cost Hilary the nomination and ultimately the presidency.  

I am Hilary Clinton in a sense. In all my previous relationships I have always been pretty straight forward and when I wanted out, I left. I never really let anyone past my walls and I think that's why it was so easy to pick up and leave when I did. This time it all started off the same. My walls were up and I was sure as hell going to keep them. This was supposed to be a summer fling and there was no reason why it should be anything more than that. I was going to start college in three months and that was that. Before I knew it, those walls I was dead set on keeping up started to fall, and I let them. I consciously chose to let them down and let this  person see all the skeletons I had. He still liked me even after. Even when we had rough spots, I wanted to work it out. I didn't want to walk away. He walked away from me and that's when I knew I was being idealist. 

If Hilary can get her act together and run for the democratic nomination again, so can I.