tinder, take dos

Tanner likes to rock climb, hold doors open and served in Argentina. Not Kelsey's mission though. He started talking to me first and was different than anyone I'd talked to. Usually it's something like "Hey" or some cheesy complement about your smile. But he was very straight forward and said something like "You look like a pretty cool girl, what city do you live in?" so we started talking and it was so normal. like not tinder normal. like real life normal so when he asked for my phone number I totally gave it to him.

We started talking and it was good morning and good night texts, and real questions. not like "so..what's up?" Eventually he asked me on a date. Being adventurous and stuff, I said yes! Finally Saturday rolls around and I'm FREAKING out. I'm pretty sure this guy is cute and I had nothing to wear. In the midst of my panic, the boy started talking to me. So now the knot in my belly just doubled. I finally decide on black jeans, rolled up with tan sperrys, a turquoise t shirt and a blue jacket. Totally oops I'm cute. I even painted my nails so it looks like I have my act together. I made Lauren come over because I was freaking out. First dates are awful feeling. And dealing with the boy too made it a little harder. 

Anyways, 6 comes around and he picks me up at Lauren's because I don't want him to know where I live in case he's a crazy weirdo.We do the awkward friend side hug thing and we get in his car. He opens my door and off to noodles we went. He kinda sings softly when he drives and drums along to every beat. He's really nice and we just talk about school. He's starting at UVU this summer and he's thinking going pre-med and an art minor. I tell him my plan to take over the world and he laughs. After dinner I asked where we were going and he wouldn't tell me. The only clue he gave me was "You can see it from here actually" So I'm thinking like the Y or something and I'm really not thrilled. I hate the Y. After a few failed guesses, he said "rock canyon! The plan is to scramble up this cliff and make it to the top for sunset!" We get there and he leads the way and it was so fun. I love climbing but it's a little terrifying at the same time. This guy is like a serious spider monkey and he's been climbing for only two years. I kept up pretty nicely and he even noticed. So that was cool. The view from the top was beautiful. We go there a little sooner than we thought so we just played twenty questions and he died at all the stories I had about me and Britt trying to take on the woods. 

After the sunset we went and played pool at fat cats. I successfully made myself look like a idiot. But I've learned that if you bat your eyelashes and flash your smile enough, it does't matter how bad you are at pool, all is forgiven. I thought that would be the end of the night but he had yet another surprise. We drove up the water tower and he showed me the coolest part of his car. The back seats folded, and he had like lake powell pad that fit perfectly to make it like a baby couch! So we sat back there and the view was ridiculous. I forgot how much I loved being up there. Another cool thing was that his auxiliary cord reached from the front of the car to the very back so we had our playlists going the entire time. This guys taste in music was through the roof. Young the giant, mumford and sons, Frank Sinatra. Yes please. He would just drum the entire time and sing along with the songs. But he would change the lyrics so it was about me. And my heart melted (which is dumb since i bet he sings to all his dates). We listened to SO many songs and it was so funny cause we had a story for like every song. He pulled out all the stops when he was like "I have a classic ready." and it was Lucky by Brittney Spears. Shut the front door right?? So we just cuddled there for a little and then he played "kiss me" by sixpence none the richer, we both were just singing along to it then the last line goes "so kiss me" and it was right before that, he tilted my chin towards him, sang me that part and kissed me. We hung out there trading stories until like 1:30 in the morning and it was so easy. Like i didn't feel like I had to try to impress him or anything.. 

I'm realizing that RM's adjust at all sorts of different rates. Both Collin..Colton...whatever, and Tanner have been home since December and one's creepy and pushy, and the other is a gent. And normal. Note to self* Don't date BYU boys.

tinder, take one

Tinder became the hot new thing while I was in a relationship. I knew it was there but out of respect to him, I didn't get one. Until I realized he already got one.. and had been matching with other girls. So I got my own tinder. A few swipes to the right later and I met some really nice guys. Of course I never hung out with any of them, it was just fun and something the boy and I laughed about.

Fast forward to this last Tuesday, I was at a friends house and her friend came over and was talking about all the tinder woes he was dealing with. I thought to myself. "Why not?" So I redownloaded it and got to swiping. This guy named Collin (I think..) started talking to me. He seemed nice but sorta pushy. Like "lets hang out tonight from 7-10!" I mean I got off work at 7.. and I didn't really have much to do anyways, and I'm trying to be adventurous here..so why not right? I mean, I do what I want! So seven rolled around and he was really weird about it. Like "what do you wanna do?? we can watch a movie here in my apartment..I have the place to myself! but I don't have a car so..." And I'm thinking "oh my god..you asked me to hang out. I guess I can drive.." I went to Lauren's apartment and just hung out and told her all my tindering stories and we had a solid laugh. 

So I drive to this apartment complex and this not too skinny but skinnier than my usual liking guy comes out. He's not bad looking but something about him is just goofy looking. But he seems harmless enough. We went to sodalicious (which is delicious by the way) and then back to his apartment. I sit on one end of the couch and he comes and sits next to me. Like there's still room between us and I'm thinking "Thank god...please don't touch me." Then he scoots over so he's like practically SITTING ON MY LAP. I tried to get my drink and he wrapped his arms around me and at first started to scratch my back. I'm all for back scratches. Then we started talking about school and his mission. Which is kinda weird for me since I've never really had anyone be really interested in my major, who gets me because they're in the exact same position. This college boy thing is strange.. So he's being awkward and then he starts playing with the tear in my leggings. Um HELLO?? you're going to make it bigger. Then he starts rubbing his hand up and down my leg and he's trying to hold my hand at the same time. Then he takes my rings off and is just being AWKWARD. This entire time I'm just sitting here trying not to laugh because he's honestly trying to be....friendly. 

It turns out that Colton* served in the same exact mission as Kelsey did. Like he was there when she showed up to the office when she first got there. Small world eh?

Eventually he starts asking about my tinder experience. So i just told him that I recently got it because I'm a new found single woman. So then he was like "Oh my gosh! Tell me everything!!" I gave him like a 30-second condensed version of it because A. You don't really care. B. I don't know you. and C. No. 

Then his flirt game was amped up and he was pulling out all the stops. It was kind of hilarious. He literally got so close to kissing me so many times and I could see him from the corner of my eye so I would just get really into the T.V. hahahahah. Then he decided that he was going for it. Brushed my hair out of my face and said "Maybe this will help you forget about your boyfriend." Then he solidified everything I thought I knew about BYU RM's. They're horny, cheesey, awful kissers. 

I finally understand the beauty of NCMO's. And I can't say that it was awful. (the kissing was, but the idea was great.) here's to giving this tinder thing a shot. 

clean break

when you break a bone, it's best if it's a clean break. the bone is completely separated from each other. once the healing process begins, the body starts sending extra calcium to the location. eventually making it stronger than ever. when the break isn't clean, the bone splinters. it's a mess and it's painful. eventually before any healing can occur, doctors must go in and break all remaining splinters so the two bones have a fresh start. 

  

all blocks and unfriend buttons have been clicked. it actually wasn't as painful as I imagined it to be. I am finally coming to terms that I need to take care of myself and take action. I know how to heal from this sort of pain, I just thought it'd get easier with time. but it really gets harder.. but now I get to jump off the "we" cliff and dive into an ocean full of me. my twenties are not meant to be spent crying and being upset. I'm going to take this time and rebuild myself into the person i've always wanted to be. it's okay to be sad when your first real love walks away but as Gloria Gaynor said "I will survive."

I don't run anymore.. 

I don't go to yoga anymore..

I got comfortable..

being comfortable doesn't allow for growth. and the woman I want to become requires this one to be stretched to uncomfortable lengths.

things I will do again.

• I'm going to start running again. 
• I'm upgrading my gym membership and going to yoga at least twice a week
• I'm going to be selfish with my time and work on myself 
• I'm going to make my relationships stronger with those who are helping me put myself back together

F I N A L S

Finals.

 The week when brushing your hair becomes a luxury many of us can't afford. 

Your life looks much like this,

 and your study habits don't differ much from this.

if you haven't seen this video, please take 3 minutes and it will make you feel a lot better about finals.
promise. 

Welcome to finals lovelies. 

Irony at It's Finest

This blog was intended to be a new start to being twenty. 

Well it's safe to say that so far nothing has really changed and i'm still as nineTEEN as ever. 

That may be due to the fact that i am still nineteen for the next 12 days...

But still, I don't see much changing in the next 12 days as finals are sprinting towards me. 

12 days until finals start. 

classes end in 9 days. 

 I have 2 Terrorism papers to write, 

1 Terrorism test to turn in, 

1 Ethics paper to write (and a possible 2nd and last one assigned today) 

2 and a half chapters of math homework due on the 8th 

and due to a glorious update from mymathlab the program will be down on the 7th. all day. 

1 math quiz (and another one on the possible horizon) 

oh and a take home part of one of my finals is given on Friday and it's only worth 2/3's of my final grade. 

And, I work every day this week. So excuse me if I overdose on dry shampoo and peppermint mocha's. I have lots to do and no time. 

Oh and in typical fashion of my life, stats isn't taught online this semester. I'm wait-listing for a class but there are still three people ahead of me and tuition is due on the 11th. So I have a week to get in. 

Here's to the real new start (after finals of course)!