G R O W T H

There is something kind of neat you discover about yourself when you are forced into dealing with hardship.

Sixteen year old me ran away when she felt things were getting too serious. She ran away with no real explanation that was owed to someone who treated her wonderfully. 

Eighteen year old me got upset and kissed his best friend. Even though it was a joke of a relationship, no one deserves to have that happen. But at the time, I didn't care. I'm not proud of this, but I was intentionally trying to hurt him because he hurt me first. I wanted to have the last word. 

Twenty year old me understands where he is coming from, confused why he chose to act the way he did, but accepting that things happen for a reason. There's a reason I get to figure myself out right now. I want to take my twenties by the balls and make the most of them. And maybe that means I get to fly solo for a little. Maybe it's time I get to fall in love with myself, power yoga and statistics. The new me really hopes for the best last little bit of senior year for him and as T Swift once said "I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day" because sunshine and clear skies mean it's perfect motorcycle weather. There is no part of me that wants to hurt him as bad as he hurt me because there is nothing for me to gain from it. I get nothing except knowing that I am just as immature as I once was. Isn't this whole "growing up" thing about dealing with shitty situations in a new and improved way?

Here's to staying classy, mature, and only letting your mom and best friend see your crazy side. 

this funny little thing called time

it always seems that time flies when you are least wanting it to. 

when you're little and your parents tell you about the Disneyland vacation you're going on that's two months away those seem to be the longest two months of your 7 year old mind. 

but when you have to come home and tell your parents about a disappointing loss against Norway, you're in your driveway in a blink of an eye.

for some reason it seems like this semester is flying by. it's already midterms. that means that this saturday is march, and finals are the last week of April. it's safe to say i'm flipping out. I am so stoked to finally grab life instead of letting life happen to me. but if i'm really so excited for this change, why is time flying by so quickly? i guess it means because everything is going to change. drastically. i'll be in an apartment with my best friend trying to figure out how to survive (two years late. but hey, there is nothing wrong with late bloomers right?) in a whole new city, a whole new school and that honestly terrifies me. my soul just craves for a change but i am so scared of jumping into the deep end and not knowing if my instincts will kick in and i'll learn to swim or if i'll sink to the bottom and float back up when i'm dead. 

i vote all struggling 20-year old's take a trip to Disneyland just to remind ourselves that being twenty and scared is okay. Just like Indiana Jones ride. it'll be fun, right?

birthday nothings

well i have officially been twenty for the past ten days and boy oh boy. 

nothing has changed. i don't think i know how to be twenty quite yet. it all feels the same. 

kind of like when you wake up on your thirteenth birthday and expect to feel different because you are finally a teenager , but you don't because you really aren't. in some ways i feel extremely old. i mean i'm finally out of my teens, high school has been over for almost two years, i'm a sophomore in college, i bought my first car.. those sorts of things. but in others i feel the exact same. puppies make me squeal, forehead kisses are still my favorite, i cuddle my mom when i'm sad and juice boxes are still great. i guess my soul will forever be six. 

as for my actual birthday, it was definitely one for the books. 

the boy was leaving on a Mexican vacation on the eighteenth, so they had Christmas on fourteenth and that night we did birthday stuff just so we could fit it all in. 

it started off with me sleeping in if I remember correctly and me making my way to the shower very slowly. i had to be ready by four thirty because there was a furry something waiting for us at the boy's house. 

A PUPPY. 

this is Rosie. some sort of lovely mix that ended up with giant ears. it's safe to say that my heart was stolen by this pup. she played for a little, tried to eat tay's hair and was dropped a few times because Krew was just as excited about Rosie as i was (i knew i liked that kid). after a little i got to puppy-hog and cuddle her to sleep while getting a foot rub. yes, he really is THAT amazing. but then i realized that i don't really know what to do with a puppy.. but it was still the best hour of the night:) 

then we went to costa for dinner before heading off to catching fire!! which is a huge deal because usually we hit up the dollar theater, so when catching fire came out i asked if we could go see it in the real movie theater because i didn't want to wait. of course he said "maybe.." which usually means no if it involves spending more money than really necessary. but off we went!:) when we got there tay realized that he actually had tickets for the day before so we quickly had to go to the guest services desk and ask if we could just switch the date. luckily the woman said it was okay and we got pretty awesome seats! we ended up in the handi-capped seats! the movie itself was SO GOOD! #teampeeta 

i figured my birthday fun day would be over around now, i mean i got a dang PUPPY, but nope. off we went to magleby's for their famous chocolate cake. for me!:)

then! we went to Mimi's cafe for birthday hot chocolate:) 

which was super cute because we did this for my birthday last year too!

aren't we just the cutest?? 

then we ended the night on taylor's couch cuddling after a packed birthday full of a FETCHING PUPPY. 

so that Monday, my actual birthday..

 the weeks leading up to finals are so much more stressful for me than actual finals week so by the time finals actually started, on my birthday, i was burnt out and ready to call it quits and become a stripper. somehow (with the help of my lovely sister and tay) everything got done and i pounded out 3 finals on my birthday. it was sort of like a present from the universe; the light at the end of the tunnel was visible. the end was near. 

i went to work for about half hour before calling it quits for the day. i mean i just took THREE finals and it was my BIRTHDAY. i came home and took a much deserved birthday nap and then my mom woke  me up and asked what i wanted for dinner. i chose smokehouse something.. and we had a great dinner then tay came over again! but this time be brought presents! he came over and we ate cake...

and he gave me presents! 

i got a pair of cool shoes, a GIANT flannel that smells like him:), a phone case and GIANT candy canes!

then i just curled up next to this hunk after a long day and we called it good. 

and now i'm welcoming twenty with open arms. 

my parents gave me an iphone and service for my birthday! it's kinda funny how little things like that can sometimes be the best birthday present ever. it's one less bill i need to pay. and in between work and christmas dinner we decided that we'd go out to dinner this weekend for my birthday:) the celebration is yet on going!