The end.

I feel like I keep getting kicked in the stomach and someone is sitting on my chest. I can't breathe. When I sleep, part of my is saying "this is just a nightmare. You'll wake up and it'll all be okay. You'll wake up and he'll be asking where you are because he wants your opinion on something." While the other part of me is reminding myself that this is real life. And that no matter how long I sleep, he isn't mine anymore. All those times we spent talking about getting married, kids and school just ended. "I still like you" he said. But really that just broke my heart some more because I still love him. If he came back and asked to stay (again) it would take every fiber in my being to say no. I wanted so desperately to have him be the one who takes care of me. I wanted his hand to hold and his arms around me. 

The only thing left here is to pick myself up, clean my face and start working on bettering myself. The hardest part here is knowing I didn't do anything. If I was controlling or something, it'd give me a chance to work on that. But I wasn't. I did nothing. All I can do now is try to move on and hope that in these next few months we both grow up and if it's really meant to be the way we talked about it for years, we'll find our way back to each other. And if not, I learned so much about myself and how I should be treated, I wouldn't dare calling these years wasted. They were some of the best times of my life..